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So heres what happens during job search or any type of tough career transition. And it stinks.

People feel sorry for you.

They say:

Wow, thats a bummer about Joe and Mary.  A tough spot theyre in.

What will happen?  Do they have any savings?

That sucks.  Whats for dinner?

In addition to the job search stigma that can be attached, theres this lousy sympathetic reaction from your network.  The exact opposite of the reaction that you want.  Trust me.

But if you stand still, its all youll get.  And it will come from the people in your life that you least need it from.  Your family.  Good friends. And close network connections. The people who are supposed to be in your corner.  Ready to help.

Especially if theyve never been out of work before.  Arent part of the job search fraternity.  And, as a result, dont get it.

You just stood still and let them react that way.  Didnt you?

But you cant carry all the blame.  Because a good portion of the reaction happens out of earshot.  At the other end of the room.  Or in the car on the way home.  How could you know?

Well, now you know.  It happens more than you think.  No more excuses.

Sometimes youll also hear this:

Ill keep my ears open for you.

And thats almost as bad.  These are code words from your network.  De-coded, these words say:

I wish I could help, but I dont know how. If I only had more details

But these code words are also an out for an uncomfortable friend or family member whod rather not dwell on your situation.  They may want to help, but the conversation as it went, was not uplifting.

So how do you turn unproductive into productive.  Shift uncomfortable to helpful.  And, most important, move from sympathy to empathy?

Why empathy?  Empathy suggests feeling.  And this is what you want to expect or generate from people.  You want them to feel something, right?  So they will act.

But what will compel supportive action?

Two things.

1.  You have to give them a specific way to help you Specifics?  You need to provide your network with specific job search objectives.  Without them, your network will not know what to do.  You will confuse and scare them off with general or vague objectives.  Watch this video for examples. And for those who feel that specific objectives will push away other opportunities, you are right they will.  But if you say you are open to everything, you will get little to no engagement from your network.  Are they supposed to send you everything they see?

2.  You have to be positive about your situation We want to help people who appear capable and willing to help themselves.  We want to support a winning attitude.  Sounds unfair but its human nature.  So you have to deliver your objectives and any job search networking updates with a smile or positive spin.  Because if you ask someone to introduce you to a target company without it, they might hesitate.  If they think youll deliver less than your best.  Why?  People have been burned before.  Its true.  So you have to be HeadStrong.

Heres the main point.  One you can tweet or share on Facebook or LinkedIn:

Want an engaged network during job search?  Turn sympathy into proactive empathy.  Heres how: http://ow.ly/5ce0E

When you do, that huge and motivated group of people (who really do want to help) will step up and get involved.  Because youve invited them in.

Youve told them specifically what role you need them to play in your life.  And it has nothing to with standing on the sidelines.

During a key part of the game.

Thats my view.  Whats yours?

Thanks SanFranAnnie for the great photo via Flickr

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